An obituary for SIR TERRY PRATCHETT

Obituaries are funny things. Little segments bookending a notable life with a few funny observations and facts that are immediately apparent to anyone who might know enough about the subject to want to read them. Often they start off with meaningless factoids, like the subject’s age (66) or the cause of death (natural causes). But these things have always seemed insufficient. The tragedy of death isn’t that the person died, but that they stopped living, and those are not the same. Death, of course, isn’t cruel. He’s just very very…

Read More

SANCTUARY – BLACK EDITION

SanctuaryRPGBlackEdition

WHILE PATROLING THE VERDANT HILLS OF [STEAM] YOU COME ACROSS A [TEXT BASED RPG] LYING UNDER A BUSH. DO YOU [A] EQUIP IT OR [1] IGNORE IT? >A YOU ALREADY HAVE [ £5.59 ] IN YOUR INVENTORY. DO YOU WANT TO [E]QUIP THE [TEXT BASED RPG] OR [S]ALVAGE? >E YOU SALVAGE THE [ £5.59 ] GIVING YOU [1] [FAVOR OF GABEN]. YOU EQUIP THE [TEXT BASED RPG] GIVING YOU [+4] TO [TIME WASTING]

Read More

NOX AETERNA – The Desperation Deal

Nox Aeterna is many things; an ancient Latin curse, a horror mod for Half-Life 2 and Morgoth’s favorite party trick. And now, with their latest album “Desperation Deal”, I know they’re a Dutch melodo-death metal band too. This means, of course, that “Desperation Deal” is pretty much their first impression. It’s also a concept album, which endeared them to me immediately. Any band willing to put out something as weird and niche as a concept album is clearly somebody to watch, if not for their talent and confidence then because…

Read More

TOTAL WAR: ATTILA

When I first heard Attila was coming out only a year after Rome 2, I sensed trouble. After Rome 2’s troubled launch, another rushed production seemed like the last thing the series needed. Thankfully, that isn’t what it got. It stands on Rome 2’s shoulders, which is something of a mixed blessing. On one hand this means they haven’t changed the game enough from last year’s to break it, meaning it runs well and with few bugs, on the other though, it feels awfully similar to its predecessor at times,…

Read More

MOONSPELL – Extinct

“Huginn’s talon, what the fuck is that?” isn’t what I said when I first saw Moonspell’s album cover, but I wish it were. It would have been somewhat more eloquent than what I actually said, but since there’s no way of anyone but my neighbor’s dog knowing what that was, I’m going to keep it to myself. What I will tell you is that Moonspell is one of Portugal’s biggest heavy metal bands. Which doesn’t sound like much until you realize it’s been twenty years since these guys failed to…

Read More

SVARTSOT – Vaeldet

Svartsot are a Danish folk metal Band formed in 2005 who are most notable for their solid, if formulaic, 2010 album “Mulmet’s Viser” and the fact that their promo photos all look like cover shots for a medieval Calvin Klein beard catalogue. They’re not known, perhaps unfairly, for their surprisingly heavy and festive “Maledictus Eris”, partially because they’re something of an under-reported band and partially because Spotify seems to have bizarrely mistaken it for Skull Fist’s “Head of the Pack,” meaning you’ll have to hunt it down elsewhere.

Read More

CHARLES XII OF SWEDEN

History is filled with tons of drama, blood, gore, and probably more blood. It is no wonder that heavy metal draws on history as inspiration for some of the greatest songs of all time. I can really only highlight one example, but suffice to say, history is filled with badasses, archvillians, and crazy stories. Just turn a Ken Burn’s documentary on and crank up the tunes! Sabaton’s sixth record, Carolus Rex, was released in 2012 and told various stories of Swedish military history from around 1600-1750. One of the major…

Read More

BLACKGUARDS 2

Blackguards 2 is (obviously) the sequel to Blackguards, a game I know absolutely nothing about despite Steam’s insistence that I spent 15 hours with it. Honestly, I remember writing the review to it with greater detail that any part of playing the game itself, which in a way says everything I need to know about how good it was. I do remember it reminding me of Banner Saga. Blackguards 2 reminds me of something else entirely. It’s the tale of a woman, cast from a life of power and luxury…

Read More

ENSLAVED – In Times

I imagine am going to be slightly unpopular with two groups in saying that I have a hard time believing that Enslaved is not a logical substitution for the progressive hard rock band Tool. In absence of Tool’s newest album, I would think that the progressive and meditative aspects of Enslaved would compliment a person’s desire for metaphysical metal/rock. Again, I could be slightly unpopular if Tool fans think there is no substitute for their favorite band or Enslaved fans think I am wrong for comparing their favorite to Tool….

Read More

film review: HERCULES IN THE VALLEY OF WOE [Maciste contro Ercole nella valle dei guai] (1961)

I am glad you have traveled with me this far. I understand that sticking with certain film series can be trying especially when things get really bad. The 40’s monster rally series was also poorly done, but not like this. The 60’s Italian sword and sandal craze started out decent enough, but quickly plummeted into abysmal quality. If previous entries can be surrendered to cheesy escapism, the 7th entry in the Hercules series is one of the most disposable and needless developments the genre has ever seen. I may be…

Read More

film review: HERCULES IN THE HAUNTED WORLD [Ercole al centro della terra] (1961)

As we approach the fourth Peplum review it is important to note that we will be skipping in continuity. I understand that the adventures of Hercules, played by different actors and with non connecting storylines, may already feel disconnected, but for the sanctity of criticism we will mention the break in sequence. Ercole al Centro della Terra, translated Hercules in the Center of the Earth but for some reason titled, Hercules in the Haunted World, is the 6th film released in the Hercules series. Our hero is played by another…

Read More