HIGHLANDER II: THE QUICKENING

highlander 2

I know I make jokes about 90’s fantasy movies being terrible but I feel people really do not get how true it really is. Seriously. What in the fuck happened for 10 years? Let us travel back to the magical land of Highlander. As previously reviewed, Highlander was a competent sword and sorcery movie, with a believable plot and an interesting angle in terms of setting. The 1986 film also spawned a successful television show. Perhaps the strength of the television series, originally released in 1992, was due to the…

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FABLE – LOST CHAPTERS

fable the lost chapters

Fable’s are ancient. Fable the video game isn’t all that different. It came out in ye olde 2004, which is long enough ago for me to have played it as a kid, and I remember loving it. And now it’s getting a HD remake, which is what inspired me to take another look at it. I do remember it being so good I bought it twice, once the standard edition and once again with all the extra “lost chapters” stuff. I don’t seem to remember the graphics being particularly bad…

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RHAPSODY – Dark Wings of Steel

I do not know when it started, or even how, but for the past few years I have been following, without waiver, every development in the saga surrounding Rhapsody. It is time to get into the over complicated world of Italian symphonic power metal. Before we begin, let us recap shall we. Before name changes and internal tension would rip the band asunder, Rhapsody was an above average power metal band that was content in making records revolving around a singular storyline, the Chronicles of Algalord. This epic was divided…

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TWILIGHT OF THE GODS – Fire On The Mountain

TWILIGHT OF THE GODS - Fire on the Mountain (2013)

“Fire Upon the Mountain” is the first album from Twilight of the Gods, a supergroup consisting of Frode Glesnes (Einherjer), Nick Barker (dude has been in a million bands), Patrik Lindgren (Thyrfing), Rune Eriksen (Aurora Noir, ex-mayhem) and Alan Averill (Primordial). They formed as a Bathory tribute band, but now are recording original music. This very awesome lineup, leads to high expectations. First off, this album is in the style of classic heavy metal, not so much “viking” metal. Every track is a mid tempo chugger, no blasts to be…

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HOOK

Hook

I think I can quote every line from the 1991 movie Hook. Well, I at least have a hazy recollection of what is going to come next. Why did I watch this movie so much when it came out? Hook, for me, is an exercise in nostalgia as much as it is a test of patience. Despite the film resting comfortably in my childhood as a fun fantasy adventure film about the wonders of imagination, Hook may be something entirely different once grown up. You see what I did? I…

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TARJA – Colours in the Dark

TARJA - Colours in the Dark (2013)

This has been a good year for Nightwish fans, with celebrated After Forever vocalist Floor Jansen joining the band as full-time singer and original vocalist Tarja Turunen releasing her fourth full-length solo album, entitled “Colours in the Dark.” On this album, Tarja further explores the possibilities of fusing western classical music with heavy metal and other rock styles. The album opens subtly with a lone snare drum playing a pattern that, especially when paired with the strings that soon join it, is reminiscent of Maurice Ravel’s “Boléro.” It’s a serious…

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HAMMERWATCH

HammerWatch

Hammers, with few exceptions, aren’t that visually interesting. Sure, you’ll get oddities . Mjonir probably had some pretty interesting runes. And it’s hard to fault the pure functionality of the common sledgehammer, but you wouldn’t stop to just look at one. These were my thoughts when I booted up Hammerwatch for the first time. To tell you the truth, I was having a hard time gearing up to enjoy a videogame about monitoring tools until it turned out, quite predictably, that that wasn’t what this one was about. There was…

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THE WARLORD

Let us just preview what Warlord is all about. Huh. Fighter Pilot gets shot out of the sky. Alright. Plummets through the center of the earth. Sure. Arrives in a mythical land where prehistoric beasts, pirates, half naked women, and wizards all have crazy ass adventures. Yes. I am already on board with this and this is just the first page.  Warlord came at a special time when just about anything could be done with comics. Before things became dark and gritty for young adults, comics in the 1970’s were…

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PRINCE VALIANT (1997)

Prince Valiant 1997

Oh no. It’s Prince Valiant. I guess the 90’s was scrambling for ideas after everything had been done in the 80’s. For those of you who do not know, including me, Prince Valiant was not a part of the original Arthurian legend. In fact, Prince Valiant is sort of a made up character who lives during the later days of Camelot. For those of you who do not know, Prince Valiant began as a comic strip almost a century ago and is still running. Wait, is that right? Holy shit.…

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VALDIS STORY – ABYSSAL CITY

Valdis Story Abyssal City

It’s a weird game, Valdis Story. It’s a weird name too. I usually like to begin by taking the gentle piss out of the title of whatever I’m looking at. Not this time though. I’ve been sat here for about an hour, staring out of my window into the grim smog of a British winter, and I’ve realised I can’t. I just can’t. It’s perfect. It’s “Valdis Story”. What the hell joke can I make out of that? I’ve no idea whatsoever what a “Valdis” is, so I’m already enraptured…

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A SOUND OF THUNDER – Time’s Arrow

Fair warning. I have had a lot of problems with female vocals. While this sounds like a large blanket statement, female vocals within the realm of heavy metal, personally, are usually met with me poking a fork at it while sitting sullen at the dinner table. To be honest, I enjoy female metal vocals when growled, shrieked, and even gurgled. Additionally, I enjoy female vocals pretty much anywhere else aside from heavy metal. Clean female metal vocals however are different. There is something about the symphonic female tempo which is…

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KULL

kull the conqueror

Oh gods. It’s Kull. What, was Arnold Schwarzenegger not available to do a third movie? Ha. Ha. Oh, that is actually the reason for this movie? I’m sorry. As already discussed with other films, the 90’s hit a fantasy rough patch akin to a dusty stone stretch where the proverbial bike rider keeps skinning his goddamn knees for ten years. Looking back at the cache of films only reveals baleful failures, embarrassments, and good intentions. Kull does not start out with much promise. In fact, the film has a mountain…

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