MAD MAX

At first glance, the Mad Max franchise seems ripe for a video game adaptation. Open worlds, constant combat and ludicrous outfits are the touchstones of the films, culminating with the fucking awesome and successful “Mad Max: Fury Road”, an hour and a half car-chase that manages to tell a story of post-apocalyptic desperation, survival and hope entirely through the medium of exploding mutants. It’s a hell of a pedigree, especially considering the usual quality of movie tie-ins. Warner Bros aren’t exactly doing badly with their games department lately either. Considering…

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KYN

Kyn, (according to the eminently respectable website babynamespedia.com) has its origins in Japanese and English. I mention this because I Imagine the folk who made this game decided to call it Kyn because it sounded cool and vaguely Scandinavian and never really stopped to figure out if it made any sense. I mention this because, having played the game, I wonder if that was their entire development style.

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WAY OF THE SAMURAI 4

Historical Japan as a setting seems to be one that game developers can only take two ways; either you end up with something staunchly historical like the Total War Shogun series or something fiercely proud of its ridiculousness, like Toukiden: Kiwami. Way of the Samurai 4 was perhaps intended as a mix of the two, blending the historical tension of the end of Japan’s isolationism and the influx of British influence with stupid names, absurd voice acting and a legal system entirely based on the threat of BDSM. It’s an…

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TITAN SOULS

This is the second time I’ve reviewed Titan souls. if you’d like to know what I thought of the luddum dare free version, click here. This is a game in which a small, silent protagonist of unclear motivation wanders the ruins of a massive empty world, hunting down and dispatching a number of strange and improbable beasts to advance a plot they cannot fully comprehend. Whether or not you imagined the hero riding a horse is a good way of testing which classic I just described had a greater effect…

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HAND OF FATE

Hand of Fate

The trick when describing something like “Hand of Fate” is to keep yourself from talking solely about what it’s not. It’s a card game, except not really, what with the third person combat ultimately deciding most of your fate. It’s an RPG, except you don’t really level up or travel anywhere, and spend most of your time collecting cards. It’s a dungeon crawler, except you spend the entire game sat at a table, watching a hooded man with a voice like honeyed pork smugly performing card-tricks and occasionally calling you…

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THE BANNER SAGA

The Banner Saga (2014)

THE GODS ARE DEAD. “How’s that for a fucking cold open?” the writer to Stoic’s The Banner Saga probably said before preforming a backflip while clad in full plate armour and making a slam dunk with a morningstar. With an introduction like that there’s precisely no risk of fucking around. It’s not just a bit of nietzschean fuckery, either. This is a world of old Norse and paganism. They’re not philosophising on the death of the gods, they’re witnesses. It’s entirely possible the only reason nobody’s going door to door…

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The Hollywood Metal Top 5 Games Of 2013

Before I start this off, I want to make something clear: This isn’t going to be the “best” games of 2013. This is going to be a list of the five games I had the most fun with this year. That means that if I get sent me a message saying something like, “Hey, your list is wrong!” or “slaughterkill 9 is way better than these games!” then I’m going to assume you’re either the faceless old woman who lives in my house or are full of shit. And if…

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Game Review: FABLE – LOST CHAPTERS

Fable’s are ancient. Fable the video game isn’t all that different. It came out in ye olde 2004, which is long enough ago for me to have played it as a kid, and I remember loving it. And now it’s getting a HD remake, which is what inspired me to take another look at it. I do remember it being so good I bought it twice, once the standard edition and once again with all the extra “lost chapters” stuff. I don’t seem to remember the graphics being particularly bad…

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Game Review: VALDIS STORY – ABYSSAL CITY

It’s a weird game, Valdis Story. It’s a weird name too. I usually like to begin by taking the gentle piss out of the title of whatever I’m looking at. Not this time though. I’ve been sat here for about an hour, staring out of my window into the grim smog of a British winter, and I’ve realised I can’t. I just can’t. It’s perfect. It’s “Valdis Story”. What the hell joke can I make out of that? I’ve no idea whatsoever what a “Valdis” is, so I’m already enraptured…

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Game Review: DIVINITY – DRAGON COMMANDER

In case you haven’t heard of the divinity games before, they’re the series of cruel and unusual challenges that all souls must endure before they can pass on into the ultimate reward of oblivion. But honestly that’s neither here nor there. Why the hell would you even want to know? Unrelatedly, if you’ve never heard of the divinity series of video-games before they’re a perfect example of how a fucking awesome premise can fall victim to weak game design. Because almost nobody’s heard of them you might be surprised to…

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LEGEND OF DUNGEON

Legend Of Dungeon (2013)

I thought “Legend of Dungeon” was a pretty weird name when I first picked it up. As the latest in my run of pixel art stabbing sim’s, I kinda got used to not having to look further than the title to tell me all I needed to know about the hero of the game. It’d be like calling Volgarr the Viking “Realm of the lizard king” or Tiny Barbarian “A Fucking temple? I guess?”. Tiny barbarian left me with a lot of questions. None of which I’ll be answering now….

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Game Review: RISEN

RISEN (2009)

When I said I’d review this game, it was because I a lot of my reviews are quite favourable, and don’t seem to review anything poorly. That’s why I chose Risen. I had played it before, slightly, so I knew it wasn’t great. But that was then. This is now. It still sucks ass. It got off to a bright start. It looked a lot better than I remembered. And it was an intriguing opening. You watch some guy with a crystal eye-patch throw magic at a giant monster. From…

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Game Review: TINY BARBARIAN DX

TINY BARBARIAN DX (2013)

It seems I might have made a bit of a mistake last time. And no, I’m not referring to any one of the hundreds of times I was unceremoniously murdered by ferocious lizard men. I mean that I called attention to myself. It seems that by reviewing Volgarr, and praising that feeling I got when I was violently reminded of my own inadequacy, I brought on the attention of other bloodthirsty marauders. I might have even remarked at how rare these types of games are, and how much I appreciate…

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